She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
