So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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