He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
