4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
