I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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