I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
