oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Edward fifth and chaser hands
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
