he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
