Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
