I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
