Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
