I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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