Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize