just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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