So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
