i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
