I'm really into asian looking animals
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
