I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
