he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
