My first STD was from a foam party
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
