Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
