After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
