You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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