We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize