My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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