I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He shit in the fireplace
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
