the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize