I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
