Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry my hands just texted you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
