he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
