UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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