That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
