What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
