I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
