I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
