so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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