You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
