do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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