Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
