if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
