Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
