My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
