You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
