great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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