isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
