Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
