I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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