All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
handjob tips. give me some.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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