I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
