she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you win again, gameday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize