As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
