If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
