Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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