I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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