As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
