My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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