Pants 0. Shit 1.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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