does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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