Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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