And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My penis needs a shock collar
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
