there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
