I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
