I think im going to throw up on grandma
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
