Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
