I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
