So drunk its hurt
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This is my life. Enjoy the view
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
