He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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