We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
