i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
