If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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