I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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