hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize