I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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