he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
