I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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