Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
