Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
