just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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