i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
