You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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