Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
