Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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