Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
