Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
