found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
