Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
