I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
