It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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