my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
