is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
