speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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