I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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