Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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