i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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