am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
