I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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