oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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