I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize