he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
