I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
