one two three fourrrrnication!
from now on my penis is your penis
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
