Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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