'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
