evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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