bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
