You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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