I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
