My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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