Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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