She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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