Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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