While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
