So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
